Philip Michael Coss. Oct 26, 1986 — Mar 21, 2020. 33 years young.
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This page is about Legacy. The legacy that Phil left and the mark he made on all of us. Not only that but about the legacy that we can leave in his stead; for his wife and unborn son, Gabriel Philip Michael. We’re all hurting and fighting, and in the midst of our pain and grief — no matter how well you knew Phil; or if you knew him at all —something is drawing us to do something.
The Story. Phil Coss took his final breath late on Saturday night. It was too soon. It was sudden and unexpected. We are all shocked. We are all a mess. He leaves behind his wife of 2 years and their unborn child, coming in early June. Phil rests in the arms of Jesus now. He’s not broken. Not hurting. Not anxious. Not fighting. Not scared. He’s ok now. But many of us are not, because he’s gone and this leaves us broken, hurting, anxious, fighting, scared, and not ok. Pray for his wife Alex and their son. Pray for us — the family. We lean into the faithfulness and grace of God. He’s our strength. He’s our source.
The Family’s Responses: Alexandra Coss (wife). Mike Coss (dad). Sara Coss (written below). Siblings: Matt Coss. Kristen Coss. Katie Coss. Nate Coss.
Quick Info from Mike (dad): The wider context of COVID-19 persuades us to commend Phil's soul to God in a soon, small, private, family gathering away from the public. Given a relaxing of our national situation, we hope to hold a more deserving memorial celebration of Phil's life for everyone in the wide circle of extended family and friends. Precious people, you all. Hopefully by late summer. Lord willing. Thank you for your many brief words of consolation.
5 things that you can do right now to help…
PRAY — Pray for the comfort of the Holy Spirit upon the family. Pray for safety during travels for certain family members. Pray for an abundance of grace and peace upon Alex and their son. Pray.
Help Alex by buying an item from their baby registry. This will be such a huge blessing for Alex. Let’s buy everything on that baby list and be as big of a blessing as we can to Phil’s little one. This is a part of leaving a legacy that Phil can no longer.
Give any amount possible to the Go-Fund-Me (link coming soon, below). James Lindstedt and Jake Salemi were Phil's best friends - a trio, the 3 Musketeers. They are trying to raise both emotional and monetary support for Alex, Gabriel, and the Coss family in the wake of this tragedy. A special 529 account for little Gabriel will be opened for his future educational expenses. Read the details on the Go-Fund-Me page.
Come to Phil’s celebration of life event — Alex has stated that it’s important that we “throw a big party for Phil… everyone should come; as many people as possible” to share stories, to eat good food, to raise a glass, and remember him well. This is so important to us. Remember Phil with us on MARCH 20, 2021 || Hosted by the Coss Family || Located at LCLHS, Hartland, WI 👉 https://fb.me/e/26rbkH7RG 👈
Add an encouraging note or share a story /memory with the family in the form below. This is a great, easy, free way to spread the love. Plus we want to hear stories about Phil. We want to laugh, cry, and be entertained by stories of our Phil.
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Thoughts and Remarks about Phil
My dear son, our first born. Strong in character, gentle in spirit, kind, and caring. You showed so much thankfulness always and said, “I love you mom.” every time we said goodbye. But you struggled, for this I am sorry. The last four years have been wonderful beyond belief. We were grateful God did a beautiful transformation in your life, God gave us our dear son back to us. In this time, God blessed you beyond what we could have imagined; God brought you recovery, restored relationships with me, dad, Matthew, Kristen, Katie, Nathan, and your great friends. God gave you beautiful Alex with a sweet strong faith in Christ. I always hoped God’s best for you and never gave up on you. My heart is broken but I will trust in God in these days: the source of true steadfast love, comfort, and compassion. I will miss you everyday but knowing you are at peace and I will see you again brings comfort. I will love and support your sweet Alex and son, Gabriel Philip Michael. I love you, dear son. — Sara Coss, mom
You are a warrior, my warrior, my champion & and you fought battles no one should ever have to. You waged war on your demons for so many years and you were victorious more times than any of us will ever truly know. — Alex Coss, wife
I am so proud of the man you became. I’ve loved bragging about who you are and the example you’ve made for me; that won’t stop. — Nate Coss, brother
We are completely destroyed right now. However, you would've wanted us to carry on and toast to your memory. We will ensure your legacy lives on forever and that your soon-to-be-born child knows exactly what a class act and outstanding human you were. That is our charge now. — James Lindsted, best friend
The Lord did a beautiful work of restoration in you. I’ve been forever changed by your courage and strength. — Kristen Coss, sister
Phil rests in the arms of Jesus now. He’s not broken. Not hurting. Not anxious. Not fighting. Not scared. He’s ok now. But many of us are not, because he’s gone and this leaves us broken, hurting, anxious, fighting, scared, and not ok. Come, Lord Jesus, Come. — Matt Coss, brother
You always made people feel special and safe. These are the things we will tell your son. Your little man will have an army of people around him loving him and sharing stories of you. — Katie Coss, sister
Strong and tender, big-hearted, broad-shouldered and imposing in presence, typically plaid-shirted, strong and handsome with a magazine-worthy groomed beard, one would never expect this kind of incongruity in our Paul Bunyan son. — Mike Coss, dad
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OBITUARY
Philip Michael Coss died unexpectedly in his home Saturday, March 21, 2020. Phil was born at Norfolk General Hospital in Norfolk, Virginia on October 26, 1986 to Michael and Sara Lynn (Kennett) Coss. He graduated from Lake Country Lutheran High School in Hartland, WI in 2005, then attended the University of Wisconsin at Oshkosh. He married Alexandra Thiermann in Madison, Wisconsin on January 13, 2018, and the couple settled in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. He was lately employed at Behr Electric in Milwaukee.
Phil was loved by many friends, likable by almost everyone who met him for his unique combination of imposing athletic presence and soft tenderness. He was a consummate college basketball fan of the Kansas Jayhawks since early boyhood days, and he remained consistently so throughout his life. Strong and tender, big-hearted, broad-shouldered, athletically inclined, and both personable and private, he listened to others with a natural interest that touched hearts. He was a gentle giant with the strength of a lion and a heart of gold.
He loved the movies, scrutinized the technical processes, and savored cinematic backstories. He read philosophy as a pastime and had a sharp, inquiring mind. In recent years, he evidenced an authentic Christian faith that was his bedrock in toughest times.
Phil is survived by his wife Alexandra (“Alex”) and an unborn son due in June 2020. In addition to his parents, he is survived by two brothers, Matthew (Natalie) of Memphis, TN with one niece and nephew; and Nathan (Emma) of Waukesha, WI; by two sisters, Kristen, of Louisville, KY, and Katherine (”Katie”) of Wauwatosa, WI.
In light of current COVID-19 nationwide restrictions, a private family ceremony will be conducted, and a memorial celebration of his life is tentatively anticipated for late summer for the wider circle of extended family and friends.
Memorial gifts may be directed to a GoFundMe account established by Phil’s closest friends and former highschool classmates, James Lindstedt and Jake Salemi of the Lake Country Area.
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Add an encouraging message or share a story /memory with the family
He was witty, bright and completely charming. He drew friends like a magnet. — Jan Shackleton, 8th grade teacher, CCS
Phil had one of the best hearts I had ever known. — Pam, high school friend, LCLHS
I had a pleasure to coach Phil over 10 years ago in Semi Pro Football. I enjoyed him as a player and as a man. Like all coaches I wished I could have helped prepare him more for life. He will be missed. Prayers go out to you and the rest of your/his family. May God be with you in this time. — Steve Good
I had Phil in 6th grade Sunday School and always was so fond of his sweet quiet spirit and quick smile… We grieve with you—when the baby arrives may-he/she bring you the joy of knowing Phil lives on and his internal struggles are over. Praying for that peace that passes all understanding to this whole family that we have always loved! — Lynne Marris, family friend
May the true God of peace and mercy surround you in His loving arms and comfort you through this difficult time. Faith and hope allow us to rejoice that Phil is with our Father God and that we will all be reunited again one day in heaven. — Mark M. Bahr, LCL staff
Phil was such a kind hearted teddy bear. He lit up any room when he walked in and said hello. There were ALWAYS hugs given, great bear hugs. He cared about everyone, every single person he came in contact with. I always felt the love from him. I will miss his calm and caring words, I will miss which plaid shirt he will be wearing, I will miss the way he watches Alex talk, I will miss the excitement in his eyes when he thanked me for picking him to take my spot at the bucks game. He loved basketball and Jake and him were such great buddies, I will miss that too. I love you Phil, for making Alex so happy and loved by you, for giving Jake such a good buddy and most importantly for giving me a nephew that I can't wait to love and cherish. Always in our hearts, rest in paradise. — Tessa Thiermann, sister-in-law
He never missed an opportunity to share how much he loved us and always said the most encouraging things. Every conversation the last few years I always walked away so amazed, grateful and encouraged by him. He loved big! — Kristen Coss, sister
As a former high school teacher and coach of Phil I have any number of stories and memories. There are probably too many from the times like the St. John's JV basketball tournament, football practices, the classroom, but some of the best memories are because of the timing of Phil's high school days matching with some of the early days of LCL. The Coss family put a lot of trust in LCL and there was a long line of Coss kids that could and would follow. There are some very strong traits that they all exhibit like involvement in sports and compassion for others, but faith and a love for God was also a very noticeable trait. I was fortunate to have Phil help me with many chapel services playing guitar and leading the singing. I remember Phil's heart to care for others and while a typical high school boy he often in quite ways would make sure others were taken care of when they struggled. Phil was not without his quirks or innocent from the occasional mischievous deed, but in the end his upbringing and knowledge of God would help him correct his ways. To hear of his passing was gut wrenching. I have seen Phil a few times in recent years about town and crossing paths. I was so happy to hear of the growth and changes he was making as excited to see how his new life as a husband would allow him to further grow. The loss of Phil, like the loss of any loved one, will never be easy but our Risen Savior's love, strength, and promise of life eternal along with our joy filled memories will help carry you his family and all who mourn. I look forward to gathering with all who can to celebrate Phil's life, but until then God's comfort and peace be with us all. — Hank Hoffman, LCL Teacher 1999-2010
Alex and the whole Coss Family - May the peace of God, which surpasses ALL HUMAN UNDERSTANDING keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus! We all cling to the sure hope that we have of life in heaven through Jesus and we pray that you are comforted now in the knowledge that Phil is currently secure, happy, and fully healthy in the arms of Jesus. We love you all! — David and Janet Bahr, LCL teachers, staff
When I think of Phil it always brings a smile. I knew Phil when he attended Country Christian School.He was best friends with my son Adam. We had Phil over many times for sleepovers, meals and on camping vacations. He was always a good sport, polite and willing to lend a hand. He and Adam went fishing, sailing hiking, and of course played hours of basketball. Phil has always been in our thoughts and prayers. We will be praying now for Phil's sweet family..Alex and Gabriel. — Tracy Jorgenson, parent of childhood friend
Phil was part of the Salemi family ever since he and Jake met in 4th grade at County Christian School. The Coss family arrived with their gaggle of children and it seems just about every elementary grade got one. And just like that, Jake won the friend lottery, like every other kid in that class. Jake always said, “Phil is kind to everybody. He doesn’t judge. He’s loyal and a great listener.” On Sunday I witnessed Phil’s posse of longtime friends, Nolan, James, and Jake weep together, cry out ‘why?’, and cuss Phil out. Eventually that agony gave way to funny stories and healing laughter through the tears. Ideas sprouted. Plans to encourage Alex were formed. Ways to bless her and Phil’s son were discussed. And in those tender moments I witnessed the blessing of friendship at it finest. Phil’s legacy was expanding before my very eyes. Ever since the news of Phil’s passing echoed the walls of our home, God has brought me to my knees in prayer for Alex, their son, Mike, Sara, Matt, Kristen, Katie, Nate, and their extended family. My prayers were passionate and fervent like the thousands of prayers offered up by all who love Phil and the Coss family. Then today I watched Matt’s video and listened intently as he described the peace that washed over him as he tangibly felt those prayers. Oh, LORD, while we don’t understand, we know you are Sovereign. You are good. All the time. Last night Jake said, “A part of my heart is missing, and I’ll never get it back.” May the brokenness that all who deeply loved Phil be soothed by the tender touch of God’s grace, and may the outpouring of love for Phil, Alex, Gabriel, Mike, Sara, and the rest of the family bring much needed joy and growing peace to your hurting hearts. ❤️🙏🏼✝️ — Holly Salemi, 5th grade teacher, parent of childhood friend
Phil and I became fast friends when I met him in the lobby at the Milwaukee Rescue Mission. It wasn’t until a few months later That we realized I knew his brother Matt, and that we had several friends in common. For some stupid reason Alanna and I decided to ask Phil if he would be our friend as if we were in second grade. We said we had a question for him but I could not get through the conversation because I lost it. I could not breathe and tears were coming from my eyes with stupid giggling. We finally asked him if he would be our friend and he reluctantly, I think just to be nice, said he would. I don’t think he knew what he was getting into and we laughed about this conversation for a long time. My friend Alanna and I would hang out with him in the lobby and sometimes after work. We had so many laughs! We found a cat piano and we played songs on it for him with the tune of a meow. One day at MRM, Alanna and I needed some boxes and we decided to go dumpster diving. Phil saw us on the cameras so he came out to give us a hand. He just rolled his eyes and helped us get what we needed out of the garbage. He always had a servants heart and was always willing to help us with our crazy projects that we would pull him into. He needed a car to get back-and-forth to work one summer and I had a car that I was able to lend him for a few months. The problem was is that it had zebra duct tape all over it. He said that he would probably get beat up if anyone saw him driving it so he came to my house and we spent hours trying to de-zebra with a hairdryer and goo gone! We ended up calling this car “white lightning!” There was never a shortage of laughter with P-Bear. (I am not sure how much he liked this nickname, nevertheless I never stop calling him that) Anytime I would laugh he would make fun of it with a girly giggle! We had some great talks over bonfires in my backyard with lots of friends and great stories. He came over one day to help me with a project with my lights in my kitchen. I don’t know how but he got a good dose of electricity that went flowing through his body. He did not even flinch and told me about it later! I could not believe how calm he was as he got a good shock! He was someone everyone seemed to like. He was one in a million and I can’t wait to hear his goofy giggle again some day! We love and miss you so much, P-bear (Renee Richer, friend from MRM)
Phil Coss. The man. The super cool older brother of my super cool best friend. I always thought he looked just like Tom Welling from Smallville. Music blaring from his room, the girls getting on him for eating everything in the fridge. The most vivid memory is our carpool days when Phil would get shotgun of whatever minivan we were in. If my mom was driving, he would always bring his Walkman. Bless her heart. That’s a lot of conversation to handle in the mornings, we all felt ya Phil! <3 (Monica Kruse, childhood and current dear family friend)
I first meet Phil on his journey towards a changed life in 2016. He came on program at the Milwaukee Rescue Mission. I was the Admin and Outreach coordinator for the Equip department. Phil started working in maintenance and frequented my office. I always felt lead by the Holy Spirit to get to know the guys on program to pray for them and to be a fun friend and friendly face too. My co-worker Juan, Renee and I all really became friends together with him. Phil and I shared stories about life and journey to God. My sister had mental illness along with a prescription drug abuse and I came from a broken family, Phil took comfort in this knowing I had a no judgement personality. I feel God gave me these experiences to help others. We encouraged each other and prayed with one another often. He always had a warm smile and a big heart. A true giver. We had so many laughs as a team. I am the clumsiest person on the face of the earth and a true goof magoo. I came through the lobby soooo often with my work and to hear Phil cracking up at my stumbles and craziness was such a joy. Him and Juan were like brothers to me with their goofiness. I honestly know Phil loved Jesus in every way. I left MRM for a work opportunity that God lead me to before I could meet his wife. Alex what a blessing I know you were to him and each other. I feel a sense of guilt for not checking in with him or reaching out. I should have done that more. I should have extend a “how are you” I’m sorry I didn’t. My husband and I are praying for Alex and the family everyday. We extend our friendship to you and your family. Sometimes you just need someone to hang with when the dust settles. I am here. We are all part of Gods family and that makes us one. My husband and I go to Mercy Hill church Bayview and I know the Coss family is connected with our Lake Country location. Take comfort in Gods family that he has provided. This Journey will have its challenges but God will never leave you! His peace and comfort will always be there. I pray for his divine comfort over you all. Love — Kimberly Van Vors, friend
I wonder the views you’re beholding right now; what glory your glorified eyes can see.
I wonder what feelings you feel in the freedom you walk in with Jesus in eternity.
I’m here in this shell that I walk in on earth; I’m missing you everyday.
I’m feeling the pain that you left behind; here in my broke praise.
Do you see what I see? Probably not. That’s the mystery that keeps and what kept us apart.
But if you could hear my words my thoughts; as much as it hurts you’ll be in my heart.
If keeping you with me means keeping the pain; then I’ll hurt like this over and over again.
Cause doing without you and all that you were means not truly being the man I became.
I miss you, Philly. — Matt Coss, brother
I spent, what feels like, a lot of my weekends at the Coss household in high school, Kristen being one of my best friends / playing athletics with her and Katie. Phil wasn’t always there, but when he was he was always so quiet yet kind. I pray that you all find peace in this time of absolute grief, my heart breaks for you all to have to go through this. That little man is going to be deeply loved by so many, I have no doubt Phil will be his forever guardian angel. — Ashley Poser, childhood family friend
Hearts and prayers are with you and your son from all over the world Alex, please know you have our support from East Tennessee.
With Love in Christ, — Nicole Carrico, sister-in-law to brother Matt
Having had a week to process this, there are four things about Phil that I will always remember...First, he had a way of relating to everyone he met. It did not matter if you were on the same sports team or class or even had the same interests - Phil had a way of making everyone feel at ease and he clearly listened to everything you had to say. Second, I was always surprised by the breadth of knowledge he had on everything. It didn't matter what the subject was, he could go from talking about KU basketball to John Williams the composer to military tactics in one breath and not bat an eye. That is probably what made him so relatable, he knew something about everything. Third, the guy was just so damn talented. Almost everything he did he was a natural at and made it look so easy. Anyone who saw him play basketball, football, or the guitar knows this. I remember coming back from my first year at the Naval Academy and hanging out with him, Jake, Nolan, Ryan, and Hutsen at Nolan's house. I had just finished taking a whole semester on boxing and it just so happened that Nolan had gloves at his house. Phil (without any training, mind you) wanted to mess around and I was feeling pretty good about all that time I put in, so we put on the gloves. No more than two minutes later I remember being knocked down...and then picked back up by Phil with a hug. We of course laughed about it over a beer the next minute, but that story describes exactly the kind of guy he was - full of talent, but even more than that he was full of heart. And that is the last thing about Phil that I will remember about him. The world lost a great guy, but heaven gained a relatable, knowledgeable, talented, full-hearted warrior. I am grateful for the time I got to spend knowing him. We're going to miss you buddy. — Chad Kelling, LCL high school friend
My memories of Phil are all super positive. I think that is why it hurt so much when I found out he was gone. I fondly remember his smile, his laughter, and his welcoming kindness to everyone. He was popular with many he came into contact with, but was always friendly, kind, and joyful around me every time I saw him. I have many fond memories of retreating to Pastor Mike's church office after a service to hang out with Phil and Matt as they would take turns playing the guitar and play the latest contemporary rock jams. I remember when I had come back from Wisconsin Badgers basketball camp and wanted to talk Badger Bball, how he told me he was a Kansas Jayhawk fan, and even though Wisconsin went to the Final Four, the Jayhawks would always be his #1. He said he'd cheer for Wisconsin, sure, but his heart was all "Rock Chalk Jayhawk" for Phil, who said he would always go to Kansas basketball camp. I fondly remember "the stroke" in his flawless basketball shooting technique that I was jealous of. I also remember how whenever my brother would make fun of him (Timmy would love to get reactions out of everyone), Phil would take it in stride with a big smile and laugh and not let him push his buttons :) He is greatly missed. The impression he left on me was being consistently kind to everyone, carried himself with a big smile, and laughing often. — Chris McClure, childhood friend
Countless memories have been flooding my mind of a dear, old friend who left a profound and permanent mark on my heart, going all the way back to our young teen years. There were so many exceptional qualities Phil possessed at a great magnitude, which were very unique to him. His unfailing selflessness and compassionate heart stands out the most. He was a special breed of human that cared about others' happiness above his own. His attentiveness for listening to people's problems was limitless, and so was his heart for genuinely caring. His sensitive and old soul made him a safe and relatable person to be around. He took the time to tell people what they meant to him, unlike many do. I'm so thankful now that I had told him what an extraordinary person he was. He really showed me the value in that firsthand. I've never had a friend who had the capacity in their heart to love quite as hard as Phil. His love for his friends and family were extremely evident through his kindness, forgiveness, generosity, thoughtfulness, faithfulness, and gentle spirit. He always saw the best in people. Among these traits he encompassed, he consistently remained so humble. What a shining example of what a true friend should be, yet is rarely found. It's understandable why people were so easily drawn to him and adored him so much. In addition to athletics, music was a major part of who Phil was and yet another thing that connected him to people. It was rare to find him during high school years without a basketball or a guitar in his hand. He seemed to have a song for every emotion he ever felt- from one end of the spectrum to the other, covering all of his life's highs and lows. He resonated with music more than anyone I've known. I think many of us have an extensive playlist forever ingrained in our memory of Phil's favorites, varying from whatever time he was present in our lives. Phil was such a bright light to so many people, which makes it that much more crushing trying to fathom his longtime struggles and what he was battling with inside. It's obvious why this incredible loss has left everyone who loved him in such deep despair. This earthly heartache that's felt is immeasurable and inevitable, but I take great comfort in the midst of this tragedy knowing that Phil is in God's pain-free presence now. My prayers have been endless for his family, wife, and unborn son, and my heart aches the deepest for them. I have no doubt that Phil's entire village of loved ones will carry on his legacy through warm memories and ways he immensely impacted their lives. Looking back, it's been one of the greatest honors to have been a good friend of his. — Pam Paulsen (Jaeger), friend
My enduring memory of Phil was when we were living next door in the Delafield condos. Nate had a medical emergency and Mike and Sara asked me to watch out for the rest of the family while they made a hospital run with then infant Nate. Phil was the consummate big brother - looking out for Matt, Kristen and Katie, making them chocolate milk shakes to ease their concerns about their little brother, taking charge until their folks returned. My presence was completely superfluous. Phil had things entirely under control, such a sure quiet presence at such a young age- caring and responsible. May the Lord keep you in the palm of His hand as He surely is sheltering Phil by His side. — Fran Berry, family friend
Dear Coss Family, we weep with you and enter those unspeakable places of deep pain with you. We pray for you asking God to do what only He can in this. With love, Bob and Marti Sievert, family friends
Having known Phil in high school and part of college, he had the kindest heart for literally everyone. He was taken too early but I am comforted he is at peace. — Natalie Ross, friend